I’ve been doing my best to be less rigid about everything. When I went into quarantine, I knew that it would pose challenges for me. I’m naturally a social person and although I don’t go out often, the little interaction I had was important to me. Of course, I’m doing this in an effort to see my family for the holidays. It seemed like a small sacrifice in order for us to all be together. As I anticipated, quarantine has taken its toll.
I have completely fallen out of my routine. I used to pride myself on my morning and night routines. Although I still follow them, I haven’t been very good about the times when I go to bed or wake up. Now, it is the end of the semester and fatigue has really kicked my butt. Like most of my friends, we’re all in need of a break. I’ve given myself slack and let myself sleep in. This started as an attempt to give my body what it needs and boiled down into me sleeping till 10 or 11 on the weekends. That may seem like nothing but for me it’s quite the change.
Most people function best on a schedule. When we go to bed and wake up at the same time our body can regulate. We know when it’s time for bed, so our body gets sleepy. We know when it’s time to wake up and automatically feel ready to conquer our day. Now, my body has had trouble falling asleep and like I said, I’m waking up pretty late for me.
Again, I’m trying to find a balance. I recognize that I need to give myself more compassion. It’s okay to let go of the rigidness of my schedule. I also crave the predictability of it though. My body knew what to expect and anticipate. Without it, I feel discombobulated. Especially with quarantine, my sense of time has completely gone out the window. I’ve finished my final classes. I am officially on break and I fear the effect that not having any responsibility will have on my schedule.
Like most people right now, I’m doing my best. That’s all I can ask for. It’s a crazy time for everyone. Balancing the line of rigidness and self compassion has never been my strong suit. I’m attempting it though and that’s more than I’ve done in the past. If all else fails, I’m proud of myself for broaching unpredictability. It’s something I often avoid because it brings up anxiety. For right now, I’m holding onto the fact that I’m doing my best. That’s all I can ask for.
I hope your day is going well. I hope it’s fill with joy, laughter, and positivity. I hope you find peace, love, and happiness.