My plans for the future have been completely uprooted by covid. At the start of 2020, I had every intention of applying to four or five programs in Canada for graduate school. During the fall, I made the extremely difficult decision to take a step back. My life has been turbulent in the past few years. It no longer made sense to challenge myself in that way. I still wanted to go to graduate school. Instead of applying to multiple programs, I decided to apply to only one. This choice came with a lot of heartache and grief. Now, the world is starting to look different once again.
I am still only applying to one grad school program. I think that is the right choice, however, once again my ambition is to leave Minnesota. Now, I always wanted to leave MN. That was always my long term plan. During the fall, it felt like staying in Minnesota for another year made the most sense due to covid and stress. Covid is constantly changing. Making plans around covid is unpredictable, something I don’t appreciate.
My point in saying all of this is to illustrate how uncertain everything is right now. In my ideal world, I’ll be shipping off for Toronto in just a few months. The reality of what the future looks like is completely unknown. Unfortunately, covid doesn’t care what I or anybody else wants. From my perspective, leaving the safety and comfort of my home is a risk. Then again, everything is a risk right now. This is where the decision fatigue kicks in. It’s a cycle of constantly guessing and wondering what is right. I can’t promise I’m making the right choices and I can’t say I’m making the wrong one either.
We’re all in one giant guessing game. With all of that said, I still feel hopeful. I am passionate and driven to pursue a graduate degree. I feel strongly that I am in the right field and that my vision is 20/20. I would love nothing more than to move in a few months but I also acknowledge that I’ve created a great life in Minnesota. I did exactly what I set out to do. I lived presently in Minnesota. I strengthened my friendships, I dove into school, and I’ve embraced the life I had in the present moment. Something that I’ve struggled to do in the past.
What I’ve come to realize is that every moment is a stepping stone. As cliché as it is, life really is all about the journey. I can look back and appreciate all of my experiences because they’ve led me to where I am today. This isn’t the final destination, once again, I will still move forward. I find solace in knowing that no matter what happens, I’ll be happy. At least, I’ll work to find happiness in any given situation and trust that it’s part of my journey for a reason.
I hope you’re having a great day. I hope it’s filled with joy, positivity, and laughter. I hope you find peace, love, and happiness.