I don’t know how to put into words what I’m experiencing right now. Long story short, I didn’t get into the graduate school I wanted. That feels embarrassing and defeating to say to all of you but it’s the reality of my situation. When I got the news, I was beyond discouraged. I had put so much time, thought, and effort into applying for this school. I think this is a great learning experience. I knew that being denied acceptance was a possibility. It was always in the back of my mind. I stayed hopeful until I knew with absolute certainty, that was not my next step.
I spent a great deal of time Monday night crying. I think anybody who has been denied their dream school can understand what that feels like. I automatically reached out to the people who had made my application possible. They all came back with loving responses. Each and every single person explained to me how many programs they got denied from. I can’t say that made me feel a whole lot better. It did make me feel less alone though.
I had hinged so much on getting into this school. I had a grand plan and all of it was contingent on getting into this university. I only applied to one school because I knew that there was a possibility that I needed a break. I gave myself the space to stay in Minnesota and take a gap year. This felt like a decent idea when I was applying. It gave me the ability to not have to choose my next step. Life, fate, the universe or anything in between would make that choice for me.
After a lot of tears and reflection, I’m okay. I didn’t expect that news and truthfully, I wasn’t prepared for it. I trust that this is what is supposed to happen. This will lead me to where I need to be. It’s difficult however to let go of a dream I held so close to my heart. I pictured myself in the housing accommodation, the classrooms, and the quad. I saw myself living and leading a very happy life on that campus. I know for a fact that I can lead a happy life anywhere but I wanted it to be there.
I’m sharing this with you because I don’t want to feel embarrassed or defeated by this news. It’s part of my journey. It’s part of what will bring me to where I need to be. The only way I can think to combat those feelings to be open and honest about their presence. Those feelings feel reminiscent of the person I used to be. I hid a considerable amount of things. I wanted to present the perfect life to the outside world. I don’t want to do that anymore. Life is messy and I’m learning to be okay with that. As always, I like to bring you along for this journey of growth.
Come back on Friday to see what my next steps are!
I hope you’re having a wonderful day. I hope that your day is filled with joy, positivity, and laughter. I hope you find peace, love and happiness.