I'm Burnt Out

Like most people, I’m burnt out. It’s been one hell of a year. I think in general this year has been such a relief for me in so many ways. I know that it’s a pandemic and that’s challenging but in a lot of ways I’m doing great. For starters, I have not been hospitalized at all in 2020. I may have had several surgeries and ER visits but no weeks spent in the hospital. I call that a win. In conjunction, a lot of my surgeries have resolved quality of life issues I was facing. This has significantly increased my ability to be a normal person in their 20’s. 

I set out in 2020 to challenge myself. I wanted to push the boundaries of what I was comfortable with and I have done that. I will graduate with my BA in Theatre in the Spring of 2021. I have started my application to graduate school, while staying flexible about my plans. I have made amazing strides. That has all been a result of a crazy amount of work.

I am constantly advocating for myself. In every area of my life I have to constantly stick up for what is best for my health and safety. Most people need to be doing this but can’t or they won’t. Either way, with my health issues this is exponentially harder. Every twist and turn in the road I have to foresee bumps in the road. This year has gone smoothly because I’ve learned how to function in my body, with the help of Crush. 

I am filled with gratitude for all that this year has given me but I am exhausted. We’re in a pandemic. The election finally just came to an end. Everyone is still bickering and bitter about poll results. I need another surgery. I’m managing 17 credits worth of classes to finish my degree in four years, while doing online lectures. I am managing a pandemic safe social life, which has an intense amount of challenges. I’m trying to stay present to my friends, some of whom live across the country. I am juggling a lot.

Like I said, I am extremely grateful for the life I have. I am so grateful that I can advocate for myself. I am grateful that I have this space to speak my truth about living with chronic illness. I am grateful to have a social life and friends that are loyal, kind, and loving. I am grateful that the new president has already put an emphasis on those with disabilities. I am grateful that we got two weeks of warm sun in the middle of the fall. I am so grateful but I’m also tired. 

I want to acknowledge this burn out because I think everyone is going through it a little bit. It’s a difficult time of year heading into winter but this year has posed a lot of challenges. We’re all in this together. You’re not alone in feeling tired. You’re not alone in feeling stuck. We really are all in this together. I hope that your day is filled with positivity, joy, and laughter. I wish you peace, love, and happiness. Don’t forget to give yourself some compassion.