Last week, I did something that I haven’t done since January. I scheduled my first knee arthroscopy. I say first because while my left knee is being put on the chopping block first, I will have to go back in to get my right knee done in January 2022. Surgery has always come with a lot of emotions for me. On one hand, I’m hopeful and excited to be one step closer to a relatively chronic pain free life. On the other hand, surgery always seems to feel like I’m testing fate.
There was a lot of back and forth about whether this surgery will be effective as a treatment option. I was given two pathways, one surgical and the other with intensive physical therapy. While I’m a firm believer in what physical therapy can do. Due to the state of my knees, physical therapy wasn’t effective because I couldn’t tolerate it. I am not one to jump at the most invasive option. I like to be sure that surgery is in fact necessary. That being said, my physical therapist, my doctors, and even I came to the same conclusion. Surgery is the way to go.
It’s curious to me why all of my joints seem to have some weird and funky anatomy. For those who have been following my health journey for a while, you know I’ve had both of my hips scoped. Luckily, knee surgery is nowhere near as intense. The recovery time is nearly half. That being said though it does seem peculiar. I cringe every time one of my shoulders pop or my ankle cracks. It feels like a reminder that any joint could be next. That may seem dramatic but after my right hip surgery, I really thought I’d be done. At least for now. This will be surgery number eight and nine within a span of three years. My body needs a break.
Doctor’s will usually tell you that it takes about a year for your body to fully heal from surgery. By that math, I’ll be done healing by the time I’m thirty. In all seriousness, this was an incredibly difficult decision and one that holds a lot of frustration for me. What everything boils down to is that I didn’t want to make the decision in the first place. I hate that I am back in this spot. Preparing to make my apartment comfortable for a few weeks inside. It’s something that makes me feel out of control. Sometimes it feels never ending. Then I remember I have a choice. I could choose not to have surgery. I could choose to live with pain and work physical therapy till I’m too sore to walk. It’s not ideal but it is a choice and that brings me peace.
At the end of the day, I am doing my best to respect my body and ensure that it is taken care of first and foremost. I like to stick with holistic medicine but it’s hard to argue when everyone is coming to the same conclusion. The same conclusion I’ve been at since middle school. My knees have caused me significant and overbearing pain for quite some time. When I think about it that way, it doesn’t feel like I’m rushing anything. My hips had to go first. The active tearing was causing tripping and unbearable pain with exercise. Now, I think we can address the long term problem and start from scratch.
It’s never an easy choice to schedule surgery. It’s not the call I enjoy making and my doctors know that. The last time I saw my surgeon, after they referred me to the orthopedist to see if surgery was my only option, I left with “I hope I don’t see you again.” Now that may sound harsh but I joke with my doctors all the time and they know that being there is difficult. Being back in that boat is challenging. I want to run, that’s all I’ve ever wanted and my knees are in my way. So is my heart, but that’s a different story.
Everything is going to be okay. It’ll all work out for the best and I truly believe that.
I hope you’re having an amazing day. I hope your day is filled with joy, positivity, and laughter. I hope you find peace, love, and happiness.