It’s officially Summer! I’m so excited. I know that this year will be considerably different than years past but I’m okay with that. The past two Summers have been a bit weird for me. In 2018, is when my throat started closing for the first time. From June 2018- on, my life has forever changed. That time period was spent finding out what my new normal was. It was full of anxiety and unknowns. I was getting ready to move to Ireland. I was excited and terrified, trying to be fearless.
Last Summer was a beautiful mess. I was learning how to walk again. Then I was running, still trying to figure out what normal looked like. I had committed to moving back home. I was looking forward to a trip back to Ireland to get all of my stuff and to pack up my apartment. It was a somber time of accepting what was right in front of me and making the most of it. I was getting ready to start at the University of Minnesota and that felt promising. Ultimately, if you’ve followed my journey you know Fall 2019 was kind of a shit show. My point is, this is the first time, in a long time when I’ve found some semblance of normal.
I feel comfortable where I am mentally, emotionally, and physically. I have a competent and caring medical team behind me. My throat swelling is being managed well for the first time. I haven’t been hospitalized all year and I feel relatively normal. I still arrange my life around my POTs and other medical issues but I’m okay with that. Also worth noting, this year I have Crush! I couldn’t be more excited to be able to play with him outside. I can’t wait to run with him and experience a new type of Summer.
For some reason, Summer has seemed exciting to me all year. I don’t know why it sticks out in my mind. I’m doing a Summer semester so it’s not like I’m free of the confines of school but between you and me, I love school. I’m excited about the future. I plan to apply to grad school in the Fall. I’m looking at new opportunities that I didn’t see before. My world has somehow become bigger with my illness.
I found a community of wonderful people through the internet. They’re supportive and overall wonderful. I’m reconnecting with friends here at home and finding my stride. No, everything isn’t perfect and as always there are more things to figure out. I’m excited about the prospect of moving forward. I’m ready to trust the journey.