I Have Hope

It feels like the last few months have flown by. So much has happened and not just in my life. The world is changing before our very eyes. This is the longest period of time my health has been “stable” in the past two years. I say “stable” because a lot is still going on. I am celebrating six months of not being hospitalized. It’s a weird party to throw and there’s no balloon or card that celebrates that event but I’m excited.

I went through this same type of transitional stage last year around this time. Suddenly I’m going from reacting to being. When some of these health threats are gone, it’s time to start taking care of myself emotionally. Not that I don’t work on self-care all the time but physical health will always take priority. The scary thing about this particular transition is that I have no idea what the future looks like.

For most of us right now, it’s a confusing time. We don’t know what the world will look like six months from now. I’m waiting to hear about school in the Fall. I don’t know how Covid will change applying for grad school or if it will change that. I may not be able to visit schools I intend to apply to. That wouldn’t be the first time but I usually like to check out the situation before a big move.

I don’t know what my future looks like. I feel confident that I can deal with whatever life throws my way but I don’t know what that will be. I figure I’ll just roll with the punches. The reality is, no one can predict the future. This downtime has given me an opportunity to establish new and improved goals. I am factoring in certain limitations to the future. The reality is it would be shocking if something changed but I’m prepared to deal with that both good or bad.

My point is, I’m ready to move on. I feel like I’ve accomplished what I wanted to by moving home. At least, I accomplished what I needed to. Looking at moving in a little over a year, I feel inspired. I feel ready for a new adventure with Crush in tow. Even if that new adventure starts in the Fall going back on campus with Crush. That will be new to both of us but I can guarantee it will be better than last year. I look forward to graduating in Spring 2021. It’s a year later than I planned and it will put me with the rest of my peers but I probably needed to be humbled. Sometimes it’s important for me to not be first. It’s important for all of us to know that the world won’t fall apart even if it’s not “perfect” defined by our own standards.

I hope you look at Covid as a time of reflection. Things are opening back up and I’m sure that in a few years we will look back at our crazy time in quarantine. Life will go back to normal. I hope that normal, for all of us, looks better than it did previously. I hope that we’ve all learned about ourselves and grown. I hope that we have a better appreciation for our family and loved ones. I hope that we can trust that everything will turn out alright because even when the world threatened to fall apart we survived.

I have a lot of hope and I hope you do too.