My Experience
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Feeling Stuck
I have felt stuck lately. Stuck not knowing what’s coming next, I feel unable to move forward. It’s difficult when so much of life hangs in the balance. I could have another move in my near future or stay in Minnesota, surrounded by friends and family. That may sound like an easy option for most people. I like being off on my own though. It’s been difficult to accept the past few years that being on my own wasn’t an option. It wasn’t even a thought in my mind. I guess maybe it was a distant dream, but a dream that was far in the distance. Now, it’s not only…
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Having a Flare
I recently had a flare of my POTS. I chose not to wear compression and didn’t drink nearly enough water. The end result was intense dizziness and a killer headache. I brought up a lot of fear for me initially. Recently, my allergies have really taken a toll on me. My skin breaks out in rashes without warning. I’m itchy and Crush alerts a few times a day now. The more I thought about how close my illness is to being out of control again, the more discouraged I felt. I sat in that for a couple hours. Now, I’m trying to reframe. I think I can border toxic positivity…
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My Response to Service Dog Questions
Every time I go out, I get questions about Crush. People ask entirely inappropriate questions. Luckily, the company that gave me Crush prepared me to answer these. I had no idea how I would respond initially. Even now, every question and person gets a variation of the same answer. Sometimes these questions leave me laughing, crying, or somewhere in between. So here are some of my pre-programmed responses to the question: Why do you have him/ What’s wrong with you? I have a disability I like this because it’s short and sweet. It also addresses how. Inappropriate it is to ask without shaming the person for asking. I like that…
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Our Flight to Nowhere
Recently Crush and I went on an expedition. Okay, that might be an exaggeration. In reality, we went through more training. This training was particularly exciting. It was preparation for being able to travel together. I think most people get overwhelmed when flying. I typically fly alone and have adapted to that well. Now I have Crush and we have to learn how to travel together. I am so grateful to Can Do Canines for the opportunity to go through this “class.” So how do you prepare to travel with a service dog? We went to the airport and did a dry run. Hence the “flight to nowhere.” Can Do…
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An Update on My Day Without Crush
A couple weeks ago, I talked about how I was going to go out without Crush. I had to get an MRI. I go to my appointments alone, I didn’t want to leave the technicians in charge of watching him while I was in the machine. The scans take at least an hour. This is already stressful for me because I’m very claustrophobic. Having to worry about Crush on top of that was not an option. So I went out alone. When I left, I felt extremely nervous. I had anticipation anxiety through the roof. When I finally got to Mayo Clinic, I took a deep breath and gave myself…
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Reconnecting With Your Space
I have been completely overwhelmed lately. My classes started. I have had multiple mini allergy attacks, and medical appointments that were challenging. When I feel overwhelmed, my OCD starts to become more intense. I feel lucky and grateful that I have the awareness that these thoughts and feelings are a result of OCD. That being said, it’s still challenging. How do I deal with this? In the short term, I use grounding techniques. In the long term, I find things that I can control. Often, what I can control is the space that I live in. With the pandemic, I have spent an excessive amount of time at home. Not…
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Preparing for More Surgery
Here we go again. I’m preparing for another surgery. I’m excited at the prospect of getting this done and over with. I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to receive great medical care. This surgery is going to be more complicated to prep for though. I need to have my left hip fixed. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you know that almost a year ago I had a labral repair on my right hip. Along with sewing my labrum back together, they pulled apart my tendon and shaved down my bone. I’m waiting to find out the extent of the surgery I need on the right…
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Eye Therapy?
Recently, I went to the ophthalmologist to get contacts. It was supposed to be a relatively easy process. With my glasses constantly fogging due to my mask, I figured it was time. I would try out contacts to see how they went. I got more than I bargained for. The ophthalmologist was concerned to find out that I’ve never seen 20/20. This isn’t rare for me. I often struggle on the refraction test because letters change. Years before I discovered my neurological problems, I was told to see a neurologist. I shrugged it off and joked about how ridiculous that was. I didn’t have any real problems. The joke was…
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Going Out Without Crush
Today is a scary day for me. There are a lot of factors that make it intimidating. By far the most bothersome is leaving Crush at home. Today I have my MRI. Now, I dislike MRI’s. I’m very claustrophobic. Tight spaces and I don’t get along. That would be enough to put me on edge and make me anxious. On top of this, I have to leave Crush at home. Unfortunately, since my mom moved, I go to all of my appointments alone. I don’t mind this, I love that I have the ability to go to appointments alone. However, I haven’t been without a companion and completely on my…
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Why I Chose Critical Disability Studies
I am applying to a graduate program for critical disability studies. Why did I choose this field? To many, it’s an obscure and odd choice. Personally, I didn’t know that field existed prior to stumbling upon it randomly. When I found it, I knew. It was like a bolt of lightning struck. I got chills. This was exactly what I was looking for. So what is it? The field of critical disability studies is an interdisciplinary field. It involves everything from healthcare, sociology, psychology, and more. It’s looking at all aspects of disability. How those with disabilities are treated within culture and society. How the system often fails those with…
