My Experience
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Celebrating My Birthday
Today is my 21st birthday. I love celebrating my birthday, I always have. My family often makes a pretty big deal out of birthdays. This year is a tad different because of Covid. I’ve imagined for years what this birthday would feel like. When I was 16 it was a mystical number that felt like it would never come. After going abroad at 18 and over, 21 lost some of its charm. Drinking was no longer a novelty. I never anticipated moving back to the states before my 21st birthday and once again being unable to legally drink. Moreover, I never anticipated not wanting to drink that much in general.…
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Chronic Illness Grief and Being Chosen
The other day I was struggling with chronic illness grief. It’s something I’ve dealt with since getting sick. Everyone goes through it when they get sick, it just comes with different labels. I was experiencing loss. Loss of freedom, loss of innocence, and loss of who I used to be. As we change over time, we will always experience emotions towards who we were before we grew. Whether they’re happy, sad, angry, or all of the above is completely unique to you. During this grief, I started thinking about how spontaneous I could be before. Not that spontaneity is really my thing but I used to be able to do…
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My Medication Philosophy
Let me start off by saying, this is how I handle using medication. It is right for me and my body. I’m not suggesting that this is right for everyone or that it is a universal truth. I don’t want to offend or infer that others are overusing their medication. I don’t deal with chronic pain and cannot speak to that experience AT ALL. That is completely different from what I am talking about. This is what is right for me. My view on medication has changed over the years. It’s grown, as I have. When I was young, I didn’t handle discomfort well. I chose to take medication whenever…
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Why I Prefer Female Physicians
This past week I saw a GI doctor. I was hesitant to even go in because my symptoms don’t feel worth addressing. The last time I went to GI they simply said the issues I had would always be there. My nervous system problems would propel the issues forward and create a cycle. They gave me no treatment or guidance for symptom management. When I spoke with my allergist about the stomach issues I was having, he urged me to go in. Reluctantly, I agreed. My appointment got scheduled and I braced myself for the myriad of dismissals I was ready to receive. While I was waiting, I checked to…
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I'm Getting My Wisdom Teeth Removed
I’ve chosen to get my wisdom teeth removed. For me, this is a big decision. Any procedure can cause stress to my nervous system. This could increase my daily symptoms making it difficult for me to function. So why now? It’s very simple, they’ve finally become a problem for me. I was told two or three years ago they’d have to be removed. My mouth doesn’t have the space for four extra teeth. I blew it off at the time, thinking I didn’t have the time or it wasn’t worth the hassle. Now, it’s clear that they were right. As my teeth are growing in, it’s causing a lot of…
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Stop Saying These 5 Things to People With Chronic Illness
I have had lots of poor experiences with people sharing their opinions on my chronic illness. The majority of people I’ve met with health issues experience this same problem. Everyone wants to help but unfortunately, it’s often more hurtful than helpful. I know that most people mean well. I know that everyone wants to come up with a solution. I know that it comes from a place of love. That said, if someone is sharing their experience, ask before giving advice. In my experience, I need to explain that I’m venting and don’t need any help. I just need to state how I’m feeling. If you can’t fight the urge…
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Dealing With OCD Spikes
My OCD has been calm lately. I knock on wood when I say that. Really, how well I manage my OCD is completely dependent on me. That’s not to say that I don’t have random spikes of anxiety. Some days I feel more anxious than others. Some days I see a million triggers, other days I see none. Some days, I automatically start compulsions and other days I don’t. The other day, my therapist wanted me to do research on a topic. I started to get anxious about this rather quickly. I didn’t know why she wanted me to research this. I started having a lot of automatic thoughts, “Does…
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My Experience With PTNS
Last Friday, I had my first experience with PTNS. For those who don’t know what that is it’s “Percutaneous Tibial Nerve Stimulation.” It’s used for those who suffer with incontinence. It controls the messages the bladder receives by stimulating a nerve. There’s a lot of science behind it but I don’t fully understand it all. I’m using it to help my bladder leakage. If you’ve read my post “A Long Road That Ends With Surgery” you know that this is the second to last intervention. After this, I get a nerve stimulator placed in my back. The hope is that this therapy will give the doctors a better idea of…
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I'm Getting A Dietitian
In the past three years, my body has changed a lot. During the winter and spring of my senior year in high school, I started working out a ton. This was the first time in my life I had ever chosen to exercise and stuck with it regularly. The results were extremely pleasing to me both mentally and physically. My brain was clearer and my body started to drop a lot of fat. After leaving for my first year in Connecticut, I started focusing more on diet than exercise. With new friends, a new course load, and new experiences to be had, I didn’t take the time to exercise. This…
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I Still Get Nervous…
Let me start off by saying, bringing Crush places, in general, doesn’t make me nervous. It makes me feel safe. He provides a lot of mitigation for my symptoms. He also helps take care of me when those symptoms are too much. I had a situation come up last week that made me question my own stigma. I needed to go car shopping. Out of respect for the dealers, I chose not to bring Crush. Although it is legal for Crush to be with me, I know how annoying it is to clean dog hair out of cars. Since Crush didn’t go with me to shop, I felt awkward bringing…
